Why I Wore My Weight as Emotional Armor

Audio By Carbonatix

By Tricia Goyer

As I stepped into 2026, I chose a theme for my year: Focus Forward.

I love the idea of looking ahead, of keeping my eyes fixed on where God is taking me. But as I’ve sat with this theme, I’ve realized something uncomfortable. It is really hard to “focus forward” and run the race set before us when we are weighed down by armor we were never meant to wear.

We often talk about health as if it were a math problem. If I just subtract the calories and add the steps, the result should be “Healthy Tricia.” But if you’ve been hanging out with me for a while—whether through my books, my coaching, or here on the blog—you know that the math rarely adds up if the heart isn’t part of the equation.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about a concept that feels like a collision between two of my favorite thinkers: Brené Brown and Dr. Wayne Scott Anderson.

Here is the hard truth I’ve had to face in my own journey: Sometimes, my weight wasn’t just “extra pounds.” It was emotional armor.

The Heavy Armor We Think We Need

I love the story in 1 Samuel 17. We all know the part about the stone and the giant, but I’ve been fixated on the moment before the battle. Young David steps up to fight Goliath, and King Saul—thinking he is being helpful—tries to dress David in his own royal armor.

"Then Saul clothed David with his garments and put a bronze helmet on his head, and he clothed him with armor. David girded his sword over his armor and tried to walk, for he had not tested them. So David said to Saul, 'I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them.' And David took them off." (1 Samuel 17:38-39, NASB)

Can you picture it? This young shepherd boy, weighed down by heavy bronze that didn’t fit his frame. It was clunky. It was restrictive. It was someone else’s way of dealing with fear. For years, I think I did the same thing.

Life gets messy. As a mom of ten (including seven adopted kiddos) and having had my grandmother live with us (and now my in-laws), my house has often been a whirlwind of beautiful chaos. There were days when the noise, the emotional demands, and the sheer volume of needs felt like a giant standing on the other side of the valley. In those moments, I didn’t reach for a “bronze helmet.” I reached for food.

Hiding in Plain Sight

Brené Brown writes in Daring Greatly that when we are afraid of being “seen” in our weakness, we “armor up” to keep the world at a safe distance [1].

I realized that the extra weight I carried was a way of padding myself against the sharp edges of a stressful life. It was a way to say, “I am sturdy. I can handle this. I don’t need help.”

It reminds me of Adam and Eve in the garden. As soon as they felt shame, they hid.

"I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid" (Genesis 3:10).

We don’t just hide behind fig leaves anymore. We hide behind the pantry door. We hide behind layers of insulation that make us feel a little less exposed to the world.

As I’ve worked with my adopted children, I’ve studied the work of Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score. He explains that trauma and stress aren’t just in our heads—they get trapped in our bodies [2]. I spent so much time helping my children navigate this, but I had to humble myself and admit: Tricia, you are doing it too. I was “stockpiling hurt” physically, carrying the heavy things I refused to feel.

The Mismanagement of the Mind

Dr. Wayne Scott Anderson (Dr. A) calls this the “Mismanagement of the Mind.” In Dr. A’s Habits of Health, he explains that when we don’t have the emotional tools to handle the stress signal, we default to the “Drifting” state. We let the current take us. We numb out [3].

I was using food to “take the edge off.” But the problem with numbing, as Brené Brown reminds us, is that you cannot selectively numb emotions. When I numbed the overwhelm with a snack, I was also numbing my capacity for deep joy and true connection.

Taking Off the Armor

David had the courage to take off the armor because he trusted that God was enough protection. He knew he couldn’t fight his battle weighed down by something that didn’t fit. Neither can we.

If I want to Focus Forward in 2026, I have to be brave enough to be vulnerable.

The “Stop. Challenge. Choose.” method we use in Optavia isn’t just about avoiding a brownie; it’s a spiritual discipline. It’s that sacred pause where I ask myself: Am I hungry? Or am I just feeling exposed?

We trade the heavy, physical armor for the only armor that actually works:

"Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil." (Ephesians 6:11, NASB)

We need the Belt of Truth (reminding us we are worthy), not a shield of adipose. We need the Shield of Faith, not the shield of comfort food.

Friends, leaving the “armor�� behind feels risky. It feels like stepping onto the battlefield with just a sling and five stones. But that is where God’s power shows up best.

As Paul wrote: "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Let’s be brave enough to put down the heavy things we were never meant to carry.

Tell me in the comments: Does this resonate with you? Have you ever felt like your weight was a way of protecting yourself? Let’s talk about it.

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References:

[1] Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Gotham Books.

[2] van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking.

[3] Anderson, W. S. (2018). Dr. A’s Habits of Health (Revised 2nd Ed.). Habits of Health.